just wanted to jot down a few thoughts on today, which, by the way, was an amazingly good day, not perfect, but just right!
today my mom had came to pick us up so that we could get our order form the food co-op, afterward we planned on garage saleing. I stopped at the ATM for cash and across the street was a church sale,YAY! we were all browsing around (i give the boys their own $$ to buy what they want) when Ian comes up to me with a blue girl's puffy vest with hood and said that he wanted it. I told him it was a girl's vest and a girl's style, but he didn't care. i said that if he wanted he could buy it. he did explain to me that he wanted it because it had a winter badge on it (there was a small round logo patch on the front with a snowflake and brand name), i said that i would take it off for him if he bought it. after that i helped Asher use the restroom. when i returned to the main room of the sale a woman (my mom's age) came up to me and asked if she could talk to me for a moment. she then told me how wonderful it was that i would 'allow' my son to purchase girl clothes. she told me most parents wouldn't let that happen and that she was happy to see that i would. she said i was a good mom, i was so surprised. i thanked her, i didn't know what else to say, i just wanted to hug her!
we continued garage saling and i have to admit i was getting a bit crabby, BUT i recongnized that it was an issue with me (i hadn't eaten and i get testy when i am hungry) i didn't let it overtake me and i didn't take it out on the boys (that was an old pattern with me) we did end garage saleing a little early so i could eat, but i am so proud of my progress!
the rest of the day and into the evening were awesome. we picked bramble berries, Josh and Ian worked on the Jeep, Ike helped Asher play with new toys, the boys all played together with blocks. we ate dinner (ok i did burn the pork chops......but we still ate them :P), we played a new card game, we read bedtime stories and we snuggle to sleep.
we have been a couple of years on this journey into peaceful parenting, unschooling, respectful living, and i have to admit that there were many times i was ready to return to the way we were. i was really struggling with it for a long time. i was pretending to be patient and respectful and kind, i was trying really hard to do this, to be the parent/person i wanted to be. i cried, i screamed, i struggled. but very recently (the last few months) i feel like i get it, like i am living my dream and i am not just going through the motions. i have shifted!! i feel it, and the boys feel it, i even think Josh feels it. i am happy that i stuck to it, that i worked through some of my triggers, that i took the time to improve myself, to become a better person. it has really been reflecting in our lives lately. i know that i am not perfect, that this is a journey, but i am so happy with the way things are unfolding and i cannot wait to see what the future holds for us.